Remain calm and reassuring:
Children will take their cues from you, especially young children. Acknowledge that the threats and
uncertainty are unnerving but the likelihood is that you and your children or students will be okay. There
is difference between the possibility of danger and the probability of it affecting them personally.
Acknowledge and normalize their feelings:
Allow children to discuss their feelings and concerns and encourage any questions they may have
regarding this event. Listen and empathize. An empathetic listener is very important. Let them know that
others are feeling the same way and that their reactions are normal and expected.
Take care of your own needs:
Take time for yourself and try to deal with your own reactions to the situation as fully as possible. You
will be better able to help your children if you are coping well. If you are anxious or upset, your children
are more likely to be so as well. Talk to other adults such as family, friends, faith leaders, or a counselor.
It is important not to dwell on your fears by yourself. Sharing feelings with others often makes us feel
more connected and secure. Take care of your physical health. Make time, however small, to do things
you enjoy. Avoid using drugs or alcohol to feel better.
Maintain a normal routine:
Keeping to a regular schedule can be reassuring and promote physical health. Ensure that children get
plenty of sleep, regular meals, and exercise. Encourage them to keep up with their schoolwork and extracurricular activities but don't push them if they seem overwhelmed. Spend family time. Doing enjoy
able activities with you reinforces your children's sense of stability and normalcy. Try to do things together, such as eat meals, read, play sports or games, go for walks or bike rides, or watch non-violent, non-stressful TV, etc. Young children may also want more physical contact (e.g., hugs, holding hands, sitting on your
lap, etc.). You know your children best, and your love and support are the most important factors to their sense of security.
Emphasize people's resiliency:
Focus on children's competencies in terms of their daily life and in other difficult times. Help them identify
what they have done in the past that helped them cope when they were frightened or upset. Also remind
them that the country has weathered many other crises, including terrorism, natural disasters and war,
and has emerged stronger and more united each time.
Be optimistic:
Even if something does happen, most people will be fine physically and will recover from any emotional
reactions to the event. Resiliency studies following September 11 indicate that people who coped best
were comfortable expressing strong emotions, surrounded by caring family and friends, kept a positive
view of the future, and utilized problem solving skills.
Be a good listener and observer:
Let children guide you as to how concerned they are or how much information they need. If they are not anxious or focused on current events, don't dwell on them. But be available to answer their questions to
the best of your ability. Young children may not be able to express themselves verbally. Pay attention to changes in their behavior or social interactions. Most school age children and adolescents can discuss
their concerns although they may need you to provide an "opening" to start a conversation. Don't push,
but ask what they think about current events. Even if they don't want or need to talk now, they may
later and they will know you care what they think and feel.
Turn off or monitor television:
It is important to stay informed, but watching endless news programs is likely to heighten your anxiety
and that of your children or students. Young children in particular cannot distinguish between images on
T.V. and their personal reality. Older children may want to watch the news, but be available to discuss
what they see and help put it into perspective.
Discuss events in age-appropriate terms:
Share information that is appropriate to their age and developmental level. Update them as information
changes. Young children may require repeated reassurance during the day. Tell them they are okay and
that adults will always take care of them. School age children can understand details and reasons behind specific actions, such as increased security but cannot absorb intense or frightening information.
Adolescents may want to discuss issues related to terrorism or war as well as safety issues.
Stick to the facts:
Answer children's questions factually and include a positive element to answer, e.g., "Yes we are on high
alert, but we have been here before. It does not mean that something bad will definitely happen." "Yes,
we may go to war, but our troops will keep us safe." "Yes, there are more armed guards on our streets,
but they are there to protect us." Don't speculate about what could happen.
Differentiate between war and terrorism:
The conflict in the Gulf will be a highly visible event. Children are likely to see images of and hear about
suffering and death and may confuse these far away actions with potential danger at home-particularly
young children. Older children may be aware of heightened risk of terrorism because of the war, but you
can distinguish between the two types of actions. Acts of war involve attacks on military targets and are, in effect, government-to-government actions linked to official foreign policy objectives. Terrorism targets
innocent individuals with the goal of inflicting harm and terror. Remind children not to ridicule people or
ideas just because they are different. The issues of war and terrorism are complicated. Children,
particularly younger ones, will tend to view them in absolute terms, with good guys and bad guys.
Reinforce that most people are good and ultimately care about the same things: safety, freedom and opportunity. Remind them that people who support the war also care about protecting innocent lives and
that people who oppose the war care deeply about the United States and the safety of our troops.
Help children explore and express their opinions respectfully:
Explain that opinion is not the same as fact. Fact is what actually happens. Opinions are how we
feel about what happens. Everyone has a right to their opinion and discussing different views can deepen children's understanding of the world. Addressing the intolerance that leads to conflict and aggression can
also help children regain a sense of control. Have children avoid stigmatizing statements like, "War
protesters are wimps," or "People who believe in war are idiots." Encourage children to state their beliefs
with opening phrases like, "I believe or I think" instead of "It is" or "You should."
Be willing to discuss the concept of death:
Children may be more concerned about dying or their loved one dying, particularly given the intense focus
on death in the wake of earlier terrorist attacks. Talking with them is important. Outside resources can be
very helpful (e.g., books geared to different ages that explore death and dying, grief and hospice
organizations, or your faith community, if part of your family life). If a child comes from a home with a
resilient belief system or faith, it will likely provide a powerful source of support when it comes to dealing
with these issues.
Have a family plan:
This should involve a way to get in touch with each other, a meeting place, friends or neighbors who can
help, emergency supplies, etc. This is important not only if something does happen but it also will help you feel more in control now. Events that are judged to be "out of control" are especially frightening. Thus,
anything children can do to control their situation will be helpful. Most older children can participate in this process and will probably feel better if they do. However, assess your younger children's understanding of
the situation. Don't involve them in this planning if you think doing so will only serve to heighten their awareness of the danger.
Communicate with your children's school:
Find out what they are learning. Share any concerns you have with teachers including if you have family
member on active duty. Encourage the teacher to keep you informed as well. Remember that teachers
might be under heightened stress like everyone else. Not only are they providing extra support to their
students, they may also have loved ones who are called to active duty and/or trying to cope with their
own personal reactions to events. Teachers should assess student needs. Talk to colleagues to help.
Share your ideas and concerns. This will help you manage your own anxieties as well as determine the
needs of the general student body and individual students. Also take cues from what your students do
and say. Know who has family overseas or another risk factor.
Make time for class discussion:
(or activities if the children are young). Be sure to have a map or globe. Be prepared to answer questions factually or to guide discussion about difficult issues. Seek the help of your school psychologist or
counselor if you are unsure of what to say. Be careful of large group discussion about the war or political
issues if your students have strongly differing opinions. Such discussion can turn adversarial when emotions are running high. If need be, hold discussions in smaller, more homogenous groups or individually. Again, your
school psychologist or counselor can help.
Stop bullying or harassment immediately. Remind children not to pass judgment on groups of people or
other people's ideas just because they seem different. Finding ways to address the intolerance that leads
to conflict and aggression can be one way to help children regain a sense of control over this situation.
Encourage children to talk to you or another caring adult. Emphasize that you are there to help and that
they should let an adult know if they or a friend feels overwhelmed for any reason.
Do something positive with your children or students to help others in need. Making a positive contribution
to the community or country helps people feel more in control and builds a stronger sense of connection.
One suggestion is to find out if there are families in your community with parents being deployed. They may need babysitting, errands run, snow shoveling, etc.
Potential child/adolescent reactions to trauma:
Most children will be able to cope with their concerns over current events with the help of parents and other caring adults. However, some children may be at risk of more extreme reactions because of personal circumstances. Symptoms may differ depending on age. Adults should contact a professional if
children exhibit significant changes in behavior or any of the following symptoms over an extended period of time.
•
Preschoolers-thumb sucking, bedwetting, clinging to parents, sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, fear of the dark, regression in behavior, withdrawal from friends and routines.
•Elementary School Children-irritability, aggressiveness, clinginess, nightmares, school avoidance, poor concentration, withdrawal from activities and friends.
•Adolescents-sleeping and eating disturbances, agitation, increase in conflicts, physical complaints, delinquent behavior and poor concentration.
